Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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