I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
