I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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