hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
