Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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