When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
