Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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