The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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