do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
