I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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