Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
