During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
