I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
