Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
