well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
