Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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