he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
