S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
