If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
