Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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