I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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