A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I want a musical about memes.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
