Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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