**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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