don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
