Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
