Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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