I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
