he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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