So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
