I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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