dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
