Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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