I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
