Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
