I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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