I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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