Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
