Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
