How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
