Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
