There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
