I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
