dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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