I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
