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UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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