god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
