My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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