if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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