Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
