Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
