The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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