They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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