gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
