Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i think my tv is drunk
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
